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Poster: AltheaRose Date: Jun 8, 2011 1:42am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Go To Heaven

No, not the album. Just some bad jokes to brighten your day. (And no, NOT that joke of a cover.) Probably most folks have heard these, but here goes ...

-- First one:

Jerry comes to his senses right after his death, looks around and sees that he is in the midst of rock music's late great ones: Jimi Hendix, Janis Joplin, Elvis Presley, and many more. He even sees his old friend Pigpen. So Jerry walks up to him and after their initial greetings says, "This is fantastic, man! I never thought heaven would be like this, spending all of eternity playing music with all the great ones!" Pigpen looks up at Jerry and says, "What? You mean you think you're in heaven?" Just then, Karen Carpenter appears on stage, takes the microphone, and says, "Alright now, one more time until you get it right: 'Close to you.'"

--- Har har har. And then there's this:

A Deadhead died and for some reason or another, ended up in hell. The devil greeted him and showed him to a room. All there was in this room was a stereo. So the devil tells the Deadhead that only he controls the stereo, and anything he does will to try and turn the stereo off will raise the temperature in his room one degree. So the devil turns the stereo on and puts on Dark Star, and hits the repeat button. "I'll see you in a thousand years" he says, and slams the door.

So a thousand years go by and the devil is making his rounds and comes to the Deadhead's room. He opens the door only to find the room the same temperature as when he left. The devil is amazed by how much self control the Deadhead has shown and decided that he had learned his lesson and was going to let him go. So the devil turns off the music, and before the devil has a chance to say anything, the Deadhead turns around and says, "Hey, I was listening to that!"

-- Ho ho. Then there's this one. It sounds like it might have a factual basis, except for the Michael Jackson part:

So Michael Jackson gets to heaven and St. Peter is taking him on the grand tour.

"Here's where Ray Charles lives..." (a nice heavenly spread.)

"Here's where Frank Sinatra lives..." (another nice mansion in heaven.)

They come upon a grand estate on a hill overlooking the homes of all the other musicians who have passed on. There is a huge Steal Your Face banner hanging from the pillars and familiar notes are coming out of it, at full volume.

Michael Jackson says, "How come Garcia gets such a nice place???"

St. Peter says: "Bro ... That's God's house!"

-- KA-CHING! And to finish off ...

How do you keep a Deadhead in suspense?


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Poster: Judge TOOTMO Date: Jun 9, 2011 1:38pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Go To Heaven

Aaah, I thought for sure the Deadhead was going to yell at the devil, "Hey, that wasn't finished yet."

Excellent jokes. (Especially, since my mother has been sending the kids bad jokes this week, like, "does the little mermaid where an algebra?")

TOOTMO

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Poster: AltheaRose Date: Jun 9, 2011 6:44pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Go To Heaven

Cute. In a very bad way. My kid will "appreciate" that one. Though I hope she sent it cuz your kids are in the algebra stage and not the Little Mermaid stage, or they must really be scratching their heads ...

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Poster: Judge TOOTMO Date: Jun 10, 2011 7:41am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Go To Heaven

Yes, got one in "the stage". If I have to hear "but, I've got buds now" one more time—aaarrrrghhh.

TOOTMO

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Poster: ringolevio Date: Jun 8, 2011 4:28am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Go To Heaven

Thanks ;)
I like the Dark Star one.

As for the last one, what's the answer? (fidgets; don't like suspense)

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Poster: AltheaRose Date: Jun 8, 2011 6:03am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Go To Heaven

Well, are you in suspense?

(cue music from Jeopardy ...)

Get it now?

Ya know, I never got the "what's the difference between a duck" until I googled it :-)

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Poster: ringolevio Date: Jun 8, 2011 7:53am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Go To Heaven

Drat you yes!! :)

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Poster: deadheadnorway Date: Jun 8, 2011 4:00am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Go To Heaven

: )

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Poster: Dhamma1 Date: Jun 8, 2011 5:23am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Go To Heaven

Those are really good, especially the third one. Thanks for starting my day with a smile.

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Poster: Dudley Dead Date: Jun 8, 2011 7:20am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Go To Heaven

...but I sorta LIKE, The Carpenters...
Actually it would have be great to hear Karen sing "High Time" etc.
And she a Jer had oppisite problems !

Required watching, is this old . Carpenter's story vid, in which the the actors are all Barbie dolls !
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XrAA6VMIPb0


Hell for Garcia .would be having to listen to tapes of all his mistakes , and have to listen to Mountain Girl, and Deborah Koons yelling at him from both sides .

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Poster: jerlouvis Date: Jun 8, 2011 9:10am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Go To Heaven

Have to agree with you DD,Karen Carpenter is a great singer,amongst the best I have ever heard,and while quite pop the Carpenters made a few dozen classic recordings.Thanks for the jokes AR,there is nothing better than a good laugh.I sent the God one to my friend so I'm sure it will make the rounds.

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Poster: bluedevil Date: Jun 8, 2011 9:51am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Go To Heaven

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wbi67r13-uc

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Poster: micah6vs8 Date: Jun 8, 2011 1:00pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Go To Heaven

BD the link cuts off at 2:19.

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Poster: bluedevil Date: Jun 8, 2011 1:04pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Go To Heaven

What?! Sorry. Perhaps that's Karen reaching out from the great beyond....

Somehow I have a memory of them with Paul Williams on the Mike Douglas show. Shag carpet and turning the channels by the big button on the set. I wear my trousers rolled...

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Poster: micah6vs8 Date: Jun 8, 2011 1:00pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Go To Heaven

I really liked The Carpenters as a kid though I haven't listened to them in 25 years (I'm sure that will end when I click on BD's link). They were really creepy though. Alice Cooper had nothing compared to them. Especially the brother, but she wasn't too far behind.

edit- And BD picks one of my fav bands.

This post was modified by micah6vs8 on 2011-06-08 20:00:18

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Poster: user unknown Date: Jun 8, 2011 2:35pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Go To Heaven

Carpenters?

Oh yea. 8/26/72...
http://tinyurl.com/7wtfr2

and thanks for the jokes AR,

a welcome decompression after a stressful work day

This post was modified by user unknown on 2011-06-08 21:35:40

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Poster: reviewr Date: Jun 8, 2011 2:31pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Go To Heaven

Very good!

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Poster: jerlouvis Date: Jun 8, 2011 4:43pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Go To Heaven

Curtis Mayfield

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=68g-OIT_G_s

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Poster: Timothy Crawford Date: Jun 8, 2011 6:06am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Go To Heaven

Funny stuff !!!